Better than this
by Sapphire1112
Summary: One shot. Warning - little spoiler from the trailer for the new series. I do not own the characters.


" _You're kidding nobody."_

" _How would you know? - You haven't seen me for months!"_

The words of their argument reverberated around both their heads – _echoing_. Her eyes had flashed _dangerously_ , making him nervous. Her tone had been as _sharp_ as the implements she used in the cutting room - and his silence in response to her fury had been _deafening_. It had been _greatly_ unpleasant and ruthless – born of the pent-up anger they both held.

Nikki's words had been fierce and relentless – _harsh_ – and Jack's failure to provide her with the words of comfort she so _desperately_ seeked, was _devastating_. With unconcentrated anger _reigning_ , hurtful things were said on both sides – and though the _words_ belonged to Nikki, Jack's silence was _just_ as hurtful.

 **Earlier, whilst at a crime scene...**

"Thomas made me see a _counsellor_. I didn't want to talk about it with anyone _except_ you. No one _else_ understands – but _you_ – you went through some of it too. You _heard_ how scared I was, but after we came back, that was it! Not even a phone call or a text! _Not even a bloody letter, Jack!_ Thomas came to see me – Clarissa did – and _even_ Max. We had coffee, they invited me to theirs and _regularly_ sent me texts – but you? _Nothing!_ "

Jack just stared at her, taken aback by the raging woman in front of him.

Nikki shook her head at him. "I get that you're angry because I tricked you into saving the others instead of me – but pretending I don't exist is bloody _offensive!.._.And I _thought_ you were my best friend!"

" _I am!_ " He exclaimed – _finally_ giving an answer.

"Where have you _been_ then?!" She shot back at him. _"_ _Where the hell have you been?!_ This is just like what Harry did – he swanned off to America and _forgot all about me_. I never heard from him again!"

It was one of the most hurtful comparisons she could make – for Leo had told Jack how fond of Harry she had been – and how upset she was when he left and never contacted her. At the time, Nikki had pretended not to be that bothered – because Nikki was always fine. She didn't know _how_ to be anything else, but she had cared about Harry and he had let her down, but again, Jack didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.

"Actually, this is _worse_!" She continued, her anger _growing_ with his inability to respond. "Because it's _not_ Harry – _it's you..._ " _That_ stabbed at his heart. He stood up as she continued. "And _you're_ not in America – _you're here!._..Then again..." She added furiously. "Perhaps you've _decided_ that having me as a friend is just to much _trouble_ – maybe you _secretly_ wish I _had_ died in Mexico, but you can't bring yourself to _say it_?" Jack stared at her in horror. "Well, you know what?" She added, her temper boiling over, " _I hate you and I don't care any more!_ "

Jack tried to grab her hand as she turned away, but she pulled it away from him. " _Nikki-_ "

" _No!_ " She turned back angrily and jabbed her finger at him. "Maybe _that_ would have suited you better, huh, Jack? _Is that what it is?_ You would have _preferred_ finding _my rotting co_ _r_ _pse_ in the box!"

" _No!_ "

"Thomas doing my _post-mortem._.."

" _Stop it!_ "

"Finding something to read at my _funeral._.."

" _Please-please stop!_ " he whispered.

Nikki stopped when she realised he was crying. She'd made him cry. _Friend's don't do that either._ She had turned him into a _blubbering mess_. Shocked by the _state_ she got him into and the things she'd _said_ to her best friend, Nikki turned on her heel and fled.

Rounding the wall of a building, she stopped and leaned against it – _exhausted and sobbing._ She had never been _that_ angry before and it scared her. It scared her the most because she had _directed_ it at Jack and she had _nearly_ slapped him. And she'd made him _cry_. She slid down the wall, her body _wracked_ with broken sobs. " _What's happening to me?_ " She cried into the silence.

Jack had driven them there – so she _had_ to go back eventually. She wouldn't look at him for the fear of seeing how much she'd hurt him and he could see that she had been crying too, but _chose_ not to speak to her either – so they drove back to the Lyell in _complete_ silence.

 **Back at the Lyell...**

The atmosphere between Nikki and Jack was as _obvious_ as the stars on a clear night. There were no words spoken between the two of them, there was no eye contact and _unusually_ , neither held the door open for the other or made an offer of coffee when they got in. They walked in with closed, _unwelcoming_ postures – as though they both carried the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Thomas raised a concerned but somewhat exasperated eye at Clarissa, before addressing the situation that seemed to have fallen into his lap. "I take it you two have had an argument?"

Nikki threw her discarded coat and bag on her chair. " _You could say that!_ " she retorted, before leaving the room.

Jack plopped down in his desk chair and leaned on his desk. Thomas sighed at his despondent, bent-over frame. " _How bad?_ "

"Have you _seen_ 'Pearl Harbour?" Jack muttered miserably.

Clarissa moved closer to him. "So, _what happened_?"

He shrugged. "I more or less told her that she wasn't coping and she shouldn't be back at work. She was... _angry_. I _thought_ she'd lost her temper in Mexico – but this was _something_ _else_."

"I'm not surprised." Clarissa remarked.

"What?" That hadn't been the answer Jack had been expecting.

"The way _you've_ been behaving towards her _since_ Mexico – I think it's a bloody miracle she's coping as well as she _is_!" Clarissa exclaimed.

Jack jumped to his feet. " _What the hell is that supposed to me?"_ He retorted hotly.

" _Don't you shout at me, young man!_ " Clarissa responded sharply.

Jack sat down again. "Sorry...but-but what do you _mean_?"

"You two were so _close_ before Mexico – and _you_ spent so long racing around over there to try and _find her._..We _promised_ her we wouldn't say anything to you before – but now that she's back..." Clarissa shook her head at him.

Thomas took his cue. " _Every time_ we've seen her – or _texted_ – or _called_ on the phone, she's asked after you. _'Is Jack ok?'_ _'How is Jack?'_ _Every time_ – because she's never heard from you or seen you – _not once!_ You just ' _abandoned_ ' her when you got back – _your best friend_ \- is it any _surprise_ she's angry? So we understand about _Nikki_ – but _you_ , Jack?"

"We don't get what's going on with you." Clarissa agreed. " _Why_ did you shut her out like that? - _Your best friend!_ "

Once again Jack couldn't answer. "The _things_ we said... _she_ said...and I-I _didn't answer_...I need some _air_!" he mumbled, hurriedly leaving the room.

Nikki saw Jack leave just as she came back in the room. She rubbed her face tearfully and sat back at her desk. Thomas and Clarissa waited, _sensing_ that she was going to speak. " _I was so nasty...I didn't mean any of it...he'll never forgive me_...I was so _angry_ – I nearly _slapped_ him. - and I made him _cry_."

"I'm sure Jack _knows_ that you didn't mean it, Nikki." Thomas told her soothingly. "We _all_ say hurtful things when we're angry."

"But Jack _didn't_." She murmured. "I was _yelling_ – and he just said _nothing_."

"And as for nearly _slapping him_..." Clarissa added, helpfully. "I've felt _that_ way before – _many_ _times_! Anyway, it's something that he's not exactly _new_ to! He certainly gets _plenty_ slaps when he's cage-fighting!"

Nikki nodded. "Do you mind if I go and sit in the canteen for a bit?"

"No – take as long as you _need_." Thomas answered. "And when you come back, you can come and assist me with the _post-mortem_ , ok?"

"Ok." Nikki turned back at the door. "I don't want to _lose_ my best friend – _I love him to bits_...If _only_ I could take back the _horrible_ things I said..."

 **About ten or fifteen minutes later...**

"So...are you going to tell us _what_ Nikki said?" Clarissa asked when Jack came back in.

" _She said a lot of things._ "

"Like what?"

" _She hates me and doesn't care any more..._ " He mumbled. "She _thinks_ that I _wish_ she had died in Mexico, because she's too much _trouble_ to be friends with – and that's _why_ I haven't seen her for months...then she ran off..." He sniffed.

"Well, she _obviously_ came back." Thomas pointed out. "Did you go after her?"

"No." Jack muttered. "I wanted to – but she was just so _angry_! I was driving us back here, so she just came back on her own eventually... _she'd been crying_ – she won't even _look_ at me now."

"She didn't _mean_ what she said, Jack – _any of it_." Thomas said quietly. "She was in here just now saying so – she was _in tears_ because of the things she said."

" _She was._ " Clarissa agreed.

Jack sniffed again. "Where _is_ she then?"

"She's gone to sit in the canteen for a bit to calm down – and then she's going to help me with a post-mortem." Thomas explained. " _She's not angry any more, Jack._ "

Nikki and Jack continued to _avoid_ eye contact and verbal communication when she came back. Although the icy atmosphere seemed to have _thawed_ slightly, neither knew what to say to the other in order to heal from their bitter row.

Seeing how uncomfortable they both were at present sitting opposite each other, Thomas came out of his office. "Right, Nikki – I'm going to start the post-mortem – do you want to scrub-in?"

"Yeah." Nikki agreed, glancing at Jack leaning over his desk.

"She couldn't _wait_ to get away from me!" Jack mumbled to Clarissa after they'd left.

"Oh – _nonsense_ , Jack" The older woman responded. "She feels _awkward_ because she knows she hurt you – and she doesn't know if she can put it right."

"No, she _hates_ me." He growled back. " _She said so!_ "

Clarissa sighed. " _She loves you to bits – you idiot!_ She said _that_ to. You know – you can _only_ hurt the people you love."

 **In the cutting room...**

The post-mortem was halfway through. Nikki was much calmer now that she was focusing on a post-mortem and Thomas was glad to see that it was helping her.

In the process of examining a brain, he looked up. "Nikki..." He indicated through the viewing window into the meeting room.

Jack was sat at the table with his back to them and from his posture and the way his shoulders were shaking, he was sobbing. She looked at Thomas questioningly and he nodded.

"Go on. I can manage here."

"I'm going to make Jack some coffee." Nikki commented passing Clarissa on the way to her office. "Want one?"

So she made Clarissa coffee and headed to the meeting room with Jack's.

Nikki bit her lip and put her free hand on his shoulder. "I just want to say _I'm so sorry_ for _everything_ I said – _I didn't mean_ _it_ and I wish _so much_ that I could take it back." She pushed the steaming mug into his hands. Having handed out her olive branch, she left the room again after comfortingly squeezing his shoulder.

"Thanks." He muttered as she left.

" _Well_?" Thomas and Clarissa asked as Nikki collapsed into her chair – indicating the coffee she'd made Thomas on her desk. He picked it up.

" _I tried._ " Nikki muttered, sipping her coffee. "But like I said, I don't think he's going to _forgive_ _me_ for the things I said..." She sniffed tearfully. "Thomas...I think it would be-best if I _left_..."

There was a shocked silence as Nikki's bombshell sunk in. Thomas cleared his throat. "Is that what you _want_?"

"No." she answered. " _It's not_. But it's what _Jack_ wants."

" _He said that, did he?_ " Clarissa commented.

"He didn't _need_ to. You've got a _great_ team here, Thomas..."

Thomas sighed. "Yes – I have – and you're _part_ of it, Nikki."

"Look – I _love_ being here – _working with the three of you_ – and I hadn't _planned_ on leaving, but I _can't stay_ if _he doesn't want me here._ " She rubbed her hot, tear-stained face. " _Please_ don't ask me to, Thomas - I can't spend _everyday_ sitting opposite him – _knowing_ how much I've _hurt_ him – and that he'll _never_ forgive me. _It's worse then being trapped in that bloody box!"_

"What are you going to do instead?" Clarissa asked quietly.

Nikki stood up and took her mug over to the sink. "I don't know – like I said, I hadn't _planned_ on leaving – but anything's got to be better than _this_. It won't be a problem for you Thomas – you can ring Helen and ask her to replace me...Don't worry – _I'm used to it._ The men in my life have _always_ left – starting with my _Dad_. This time it's _me_ who's leaving – that's all." she sniffed. " _I wish I'd never gone to Mexico_."

"Why don't you go and have a shower, Nikki – give you time to _think_." Thomas suggested.

She nodded. "Ok - but that _won't_ change my mind."

"No" Thomas agreed. "I think there's only _one_ person who can do _that_."

Nikki turned back at the door. "But _he won't_ , will he – not if he doesn't want to. I'll have the letter on your desk in the morning – with _immediate effect_. It's better for Jack if I just go."And with that she left the room.

Thomas sighed. "Clarissa, I can't _stop_ her from leaving if she's made her mind up."

" _What?_ " They turned to see Jack standing in the doorway that Nikki had just vacated.

"She's _leaving_ , Jack." Clarissa told him as he sat at his desk. " _Nikki's leaving._ "

"Why- _why_ would she do that?" he stammered.

"Because she _thinks_ that's what _you_ want." Clarissa remarked.

"She _can't_ think that!"

"She does." Clarissa answered. "And she's _already_ got her replacement 'booked'."

"She did seem pretty certain that it's what _you_ want, Jack." Thomas sighed. "and she said that she can't spend every day sitting opposite you – knowing how much she hurt you and that you'll never forgive her."

" _I forgave her ages ago._ " Jack muttered.

"Have you told _her_ that?" Clarissa commented.

"So you _don't_ want her to leave?" Thomas asked.

" _No!_ " Jack practically _yelled_ – leaping to his feet.

Thomas winced at the volume. "Jack – please don't _shout_. Maybe _you_ need to tell her that _you_ want her to stay – because she's not going to believe it from anyone _else_." Thomas went into his office to get his coat.

Jack sat down again, noticing that Nikki's coat was still on the back of her chair. " _Where_ is she?"

"I sent her for a shower – to think this through." Thomas explained, closing his office door behind him and pulling his coat on. "I _believe_ she intends to write the letter before she goes home and leave it on my desk for the morning. So _please_ Jack – just _talk_ to her."

Jack stared around their office like a lost puppy after Thomas and Clarissa had left. He couldn't let her leave. He couldn't bear the _thought_ of sharing their office with anyone other than Nikki.

The Lyell was dark in most places when Nikki finished her shower. She suspected that _everyone else_ had gone home. She would have to lock up – _it would be the last time,_ but at least she had quiet in which to write her letter. _The end of an era_ , she thought miserably. It wasn't just a _job_ she loved that she was losing. The Lyell team were her _family_ – not just her friends. Thomas, Clarissa and Max – by extension – _and_ Jack. _Jack – her best friend_ _in the whole world_ _._ Leaving them was painful and a clean break would be best for Jack. She would have to move away.. _Far away_ , somewhere. _No more contact._

 **At the pub...**

"You look like you've both had a hard day." Max commented, kissing his wife's head.

Thomas sighed. "I'll let _you_ explain! I'll get the drinks – normal?"

Clarissa and Max nodded.

Max sat down, "Well?"

"Nikki and Jack have fallen out – _big time!_ " Clarissa explained. " _The mother of all rows._ No eye contact – they won't speak to each other and Nikki's _threatening_ to leave."

"Oh dear." Max muttered. "I don't _suppose_ it has anything to do with the fact that Jack's been _ignoring_ _her_ since they got back from Mexico?"

Clarissa nodded. "I believe that's the long and short of it. Jack told her she wasn't coping and she confronted him about the way he's been acting."

Thomas arrived back with the drinks and sat down. " _Words were exchanged_..." He added. " – _mostly_ Nikki's words by the sound of it. Jack answered with _silence,_ which I don't think _helped_ Nikki's temper. Anyway, Nikki completely _regrets_ the things she said now and doesn't think he will _forgive_ her for them, so she's decided that _he_ wants her to leave."

"And he _doesn't?_ " Max asked.

Thomas shook his head. " _No – he doesn't._ He told us so. The problem is that he _hasn't_ told Nikki. Her letter's going to be on my desk in the morning – _effective immediately._ "

"You could always _make_ Nikki work her notice – that would give us a little time." Clarissa suggested thoughtfully.

Thomas sighed. "Considering that she's _supposed_ to be still on leave, Clarissa – I don't think I'll be able to _argue_ that one."

"You think she'll go through with it?" Max asked. "You've still got tonight – and Jack's _smart_ , he can talk her out of it."

"Yes, he's smart." Clarissa agreed. "But you know what he's like when he's upset. _He tends to act first and think later!"_

"And _that's_ what I'm worried about!" Thomas exclaimed. "He _might_ talk to her, but when he's upset, he _just as likely_ to do something stupid like trying to resign _before_ she can!"

"So, you think that _one_ of them will." Clarissa nodded.

"Yes – or we'll end up with _both_ of them resigning."

 **Back at the Lyell...**

Nikki stopped at the doorway of their office. Jack was sitting on the floor of the office, his back against the wall - in the dark,with a bottle of white wine – Thomas's favourite kind of white wine. They made eye contact for the fist time since their argument.

"Can I join you?" Nikki whispered eventually. He nodded and she sat down next to him. "Where'd you get the _wine?_ "

"My desk." He muttered. "It was _meant_ to be Thomas's Christmas present last year, but I forgot where it was, so I bought him another."

"Well, let's have a taste then!" She commented and he handed it over. She took a swig and handed it back. "Mmm, _not bad_...So what's this in aid of?"

He shrugged. "Thomas said you were _leaving._ "

She bit her lip. " _I won't if you don't want me to._ "

"I don't – _ever!_ " He told her ferverently.

She leaned her head on his shoulder. " _I miss you._ "

He draped his arm over here shoulder. " _I miss you to_ – I'm sorry I didn't come and _see_ _you_ – or _call_..."

"Shh" She whispered. "You don't have to explain. You didn't _deserve_ any of the things I said..."

He sighed. "I don't think I _could_ explain – I _don't know_ why..."

"It happened to you as well, Jack." Nikki whispered softly. "Maybe we just _dealt_ with it in different ways."

"Yeah – I guess..." He laughed suddenly.

"What?" She asked, surprised.

"I was going to _hide_ all your pens, - or put the centre in _lock-down_ , so you couldn't leave!" He chuckled. "But I thought I might get in trouble for _that_!"

Nikki giggled. "That's what I love about you! You try to deal with things in the _uniquely,_ _'Jack Hodgson way'!_ "

 **The next morning...**

"So, how many resignation letters do you think I'll find?" Thomas commented as he opened the door for Clarissa.

"Well..." She answered, stopping in the doorway of Jack and Nikki's shared office. "Either they're both _staying_...or they're both _leaving!_ " She chuckled at the sight which met her eyes.

They were both still sat against the wall – on the floor of their office – except it was no longer dark in there, now that daylight had well and truly set in. Jack's arm was draped over Nikki – who was fast asleep on his shoulder and his head was on hers -snoring gently in a contented manner - the empty bottle of wine on the floor next to him.

Thomas walked over. "I'm not entirely sure whether an empty bottle of wine is a _good_ sign!" He sighed, picking up the empty bottle. "Oh – _my favourite!_ " He added reading the label.

"Stand back, Thomas!" Thomas looked up to see Clarissa holding her phone out at the two sleeping figures and he gave an exasperated sigh as she took a snapshot of them.

"The question _is_ are they still drunk?" Thomas remarked, gently shaking Jack by the shoulder.

" _Huh?_ " Jack opened a sleepy eye as Nikki also stirred. "Thomas, What?- _ow!_ " He muttered holding his head.

" _Urgh!_ Paraceptamol!...coffee!" Nikki groaned.

"Do I need to send you two home – or are you _fit enough_ to work?!" Thomas inquired.

" _Ow_ – no, we just need _painkillers_ – that's all!" Nikki retorted.

Thomas sighed "Not if your systems are still full of alcohol, Nikki."

"They're _not_. We're _fine_ , Thomas."

"Out the way, Thomas – this calls for an _expert!_ " came Clarissa's voice.

Jack groaned, still holding his head. " _Oh no – what's she going to do to us?!_ " Nikki sniggered as Thomas stepped out the way.

"Blow down the tube, young lady!" Clarissa instructed Nikki – holding out an object to her.

" _What?!_ "

" _Blow!_ " Clarissa repeated sternly. Nikki rolled her eyes at Jack and blew. "Right, good." She held out a second object to Jack." _Y_ _ou_ _r_ turn young man!... _Come on_ , Jack – that's _feeble_! You can do better than _that!_ " She turned to Thomas. "They're _fine_ – just _hungover!_ "

Thomas stared at her for a minute. "Right."

" _I_ come prepared for _any_ and _all_ eventualities..." Clarissa retorted. "I'm going to go and put that _photo_ on the Lyell website." She added, chuckling heartily. "Oh, and Jack?" She looked back at the three speechless faces staring at her and feigned disgust – pausing for _dramatic_ effect.

" _You were dribbling_ _when we came in_ _._ "


End file.
